Sexual Dysfunction & Me
Picture yourself in your most intimate moments. Think about the way that your partner's body feels against yours. Feel the electricity running through your body.
Now imagine having a hot curling iron shoved up you. That's what sex feels like for me.
When I started being sexually active in high school, I realized that something wasn't right. I knew that a lot of women (and other people with vaginas) experience pain when having sex for the first time, but I wasn't prepared for the kind of pain I would soon become very familiar with. Whenever something enters my vagina, I am met with a sharp and intense burning feeling that lasts even after the object is removed. For a long time I suffered in silence, googling possible reasons for what I was experiencing. For a while I thought it was a result of the medication I was taking, but after a few chats with my school's sexologist, I knew that wasn't it. I would cry at night wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I felt completely and utterly broken.
When I found the term "dyspareunia" I felt I had made progress, I found a word for what I was experiencing; but dyspareunia is just the fancy medical term for painful or difficult intercourse, it's more of a symptom than a cause, but at least now I had something to work off of. I continued my research. Suddenly, bells went off, a light went on, the heavens opened up; I had found it, the term for what I was experiencing:
I was really self-conscious and embarrassed about it, I still am sometimes, but luckily I found an amazing partner who loves me for me, and yes, we still manage to have lots of sex, we just do it a little differently.
So this blog is going to serve as my open-diary throughout my journey navigating through the already-daunting world of sex, while also dealing with sexual dysfunction. I'm going to share with you everything from my experiences at the the gynecologist, to sex positions that work for me and my partner.
I have sexual dysfunction, and this is my story.
Sydney Rae
Now imagine having a hot curling iron shoved up you. That's what sex feels like for me.
When I started being sexually active in high school, I realized that something wasn't right. I knew that a lot of women (and other people with vaginas) experience pain when having sex for the first time, but I wasn't prepared for the kind of pain I would soon become very familiar with. Whenever something enters my vagina, I am met with a sharp and intense burning feeling that lasts even after the object is removed. For a long time I suffered in silence, googling possible reasons for what I was experiencing. For a while I thought it was a result of the medication I was taking, but after a few chats with my school's sexologist, I knew that wasn't it. I would cry at night wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I felt completely and utterly broken.
When I found the term "dyspareunia" I felt I had made progress, I found a word for what I was experiencing; but dyspareunia is just the fancy medical term for painful or difficult intercourse, it's more of a symptom than a cause, but at least now I had something to work off of. I continued my research. Suddenly, bells went off, a light went on, the heavens opened up; I had found it, the term for what I was experiencing:
Vaginismus
"Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse." (vaginismus.com)Basically, every time something is inserted into my vagina, my pelvic muscles clench involuntarily, making my vagina so tight you can barely fit a finger in. Because of this condition I can't use tampons, or partake in penetration.
I was really self-conscious and embarrassed about it, I still am sometimes, but luckily I found an amazing partner who loves me for me, and yes, we still manage to have lots of sex, we just do it a little differently.
So this blog is going to serve as my open-diary throughout my journey navigating through the already-daunting world of sex, while also dealing with sexual dysfunction. I'm going to share with you everything from my experiences at the the gynecologist, to sex positions that work for me and my partner.
I have sexual dysfunction, and this is my story.
Sydney Rae
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